Teaching- more than a job

Ever since I can remember, maybe when I was 6 or 7 years old, I have always wanted to be a teacher. I guess a lot of it is contributed to the fact that my mom taught 4^th grade for my whole childhood.

I LOVED being in her classroom- it always felt so comfy and reassuring- I loved spending the afternoons there with her-writing on the chalkboard and pretending to have my own class. I guess I never really understood the dedication it took to be a teacher. I got to see all the cute ways to decorate the classroom or having all the same days off (snow days/holidays included) as her- I only got to witness the fun things. That is, until I became a teacher of my own.

Now don’t get me wrong- I love teaching 110%.  I love standing up in front of my students, teaching, watching all of those light bulbs go off and the fact that they finally understand it. I absolutely love it. It is an especially satisfying feeling when a student has never liked math before and I have changed that for them! It really is inspiring!

But although I enjoy teaching- my career has become much more than that. I don’t just get to teach. I have to evaluate, analyze, assess and remediate, all the while having to discipline, regulate, plan, and structure. And this doesn’t even include all of the other expectations of teachers.

Today was one of those dreaded days for those who know teaching- it was observation day.

Now unlike some teachers, this day doesn’t really phase me.  I don’t plan some extravagant lesson or over achieving activity because let’s be brutally honest, I don’t have time for that. I barely have enough time to eat my 20 minute lunch, grade papers, and use the restroom regularly during the day. But also, I don’t because I say if you want to see my class and observe me, come any day. I do my job every day and if anyone wants to “check in” and see it- come anytime!

So today just as I started my 2^nd period class with their warm ups- taking attendance, handing out work from students that were absent, supplying pencils to those that didn’t bring them, all four of the observers walked in. (Normally it is not this many but due to county changes and “improvements” we have been lucky enough to have extra observations and people in our classrooms- insert sarcasm there). I slightly hesitated to myself- seeing all of them walking in and knowing they were there to see how I was doing my job- heading towards students to see what they were learning – but that still didn’t change my plans. I continued with the lesson, coffee in my hand because let’s be realistic- it was only 2^nd period and no teacher ever gets to drink their coffee first thing in the morning. The lesson went great- I said all the right things and asked all the right questions. I was on cloud 9 after they left -I absolutely nailed it.

But as I finished out the day and finally got the chance to sit down and reflect on my day, I felt hesitant. I was so excited as to how my lesson went- how wonderful and great and perfectly timed everything was- but still had this uncertain feeling in me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized what caused that feeling.

Although I had achieved a great observation and gotten a pat on the back, I still hadn’t been evaluated as a real teacher- the every day things.

I had to break up an almost fight between two students because of emotions/hormones running wild.

I had to send a student out of my 7^th period class for his excessive talking because he didn’t take his ADHD medicine today.

I had to tell a student to go get water because I could tell he was angry from what happened the period before and wanted to diffuse the situation.

 I had to comfort a child that told me that she didn’t sleep because she was out late last night with her mom’s ex-boyfriend trying to get his guns back from other people.

I had to send a student to the nurse because she had a migraine and couldn’t focus and had then had to hold my tongue when a student wanted to be sarcastic with me just because he needed the attention.

 I was exhausted. That high I felt from 2^nd period had not carried me through the day. The great lesson the admin had seen did not matter. 

It was then that I realized that teaching is much more than the perfect lesson. I am glad the admin got to see that but part of me wishes they had seen how the rest of the day went. I wish they had seen the relationships I have formed- where students feel safe to tell me things about their lives, for me to recognize when they need a few minutes, or when I have to remove them from the class to talk with them individually. I wish they had seen the difference I am making (hopefully) in these students lives.
To me, that’s what teaching is.

Teachers talk about some struggles and only those that teach really understand. We don’t even get to share all of our struggles or triumphs because every day is full of SO many of these. And we make these split-second decisions all day, every day, because we care about our students. We care about the people they are and the needs they have.

Sure, I show up every day, ready to teach them all of the 6^th grade math I can- but it’s more than that. I am teaching them to be good human beings. To show compassion, empathy, and forgiveness towards others. That its ok to be wrong or mad or upset but how we choose to deal with those emotions matters.  That we all have bad days and can’t control some parts of our lives but we can control who we are as a person. These are the every day situations in which I wish I had gotten observed. I love my job but it is much more than just teaching.